This raw and uncut journal entry was inspired by this pin I found on Pinterest:
“Tell me about yourself.”
Well, I love reading and I love writing. Reading introduces me to new ideas, and writing allows me to introduce my own ideas to the world. I guess I’m an addict to the English language. Animals can make me laugh and cry, maybe more so than humans can. I want to travel and fall in love and live life 100%. I love warm weather. I miss my childhood home dearly, and I’m both terrified and excited to grow up.
“Okay, now really tell me about yourself.”
To be honest, I’m more insecure than I thought I was- I guess I got insecure about my insecurity. I’m scared that no one will love me for who I really am, on the inside, underneath all the bullshit I present myself as. Have I mentioned I bullshit my personality? ‘Cause I do. I’m scared I’m not as mature as my peers- socially (in terms of partying and drinking and dating and shit, which I have done none of), as I honestly believe I am more mature mentally. Is that bad to say? Whatever, it’s what I believe. I could probably live in isolation for a few months. I’m scared that I’ll never fall in love, and I’m even more scared of falling out of love, and I’m even more scared of someone falling out of love with me. I’m not really living life right now (I leave my house 2 times a week for therapy and only have 2 barely friends). And I hate that I am doing nothing to change that (I could go out and be social and go on adventures, but I don’t). I get exhausted all the time. I get obsessions over weird little niches. I don’t feel ready to grow up and leave home. To be more positive, I am the most compassionate/empathetic person I know. It is a blessing in that I have deeper emotional connections with people, and a curse in that I feel everyone’s negative emotions as well. I love my smile- or maybe I love to smile. I am fascinated by my own mind. I am really bad at keeping a conversation going. I am an introvert and a homebody. I am scared I am alone in all of these things. I didn’t know I was holding all this inside me. I guess I was just waiting for someone to really care about the answers to this question.